Dust and Ashes
At dawn
Jesus appeared again in the temple courts,
where
all the people gathered round him, and he sat down to teach them.
The teachers
of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman
caught
in adultery…. John 8: 2-3
I
can taste the dust and dirt.
Manhandled
through the Temple gates
Pushed
forward,
I
fell to the ground
Dust
clouding up – grit in my eyes
The taste of
ashes in my mouth
I
thought I couldn’t get much lower
Lying
on my back
Day
or night
I
was wrong
I see only
the feet of the crowd
But they can
all see me
Hands
pull me up
To
stand before them all
Clothes
dishevelled
barely
decent
Shame
weighs my eyes down
“Caught
in adultery”
The
words ring out around the Temple Courts
My life of
shame
Lies now in
the dust and ashes
Exposed
But
not apparently for long
“The
Law of Moses commands - stone such women”
“What do you
say?”
This
public show – it seems - is not just about me
Something
bigger is happening
Beyond
my understanding
But
for me - the end has come
The
end of a miserable, damaged life
A
life that is no life
These men are
right
I am a
sinner
I deserve
the full measure of justice
The full
punishment of a just God
According to
the Law of Moses: Death
I wish I was
still down in the dust and ashes
Where I
belong
There’s
silence
Just
my ragged breathing
My
eye is caught by movement
A finger
writing in the dust
A bent
figure getting his hands dirty
And
then -
“Let
anyone without sin throw the first stone”
Still
- silence
Why
does no one move?
Why
no sound of justice?
What
are these righteous men waiting for?
I’ve
always known what I am
The
Law of Moses makes it plain -
Satisfy the
hunger of the Law
Finish this
The
finger moves
Writing
in the dirt
I
cannot see the words
But
others do
The
world hold its breath
Then,
at last – movement
Not
stones flying towards me
But
feet moving away
First
one, then another, then several
Then
no more
I
dare glance up
The
crowd has gone, vanished
As
quietly as a morning mist
I
look into the eyes of the writer
He
smiles
Not
a leer
But
the smile of a friend, a brother
“Has
no one condemned you?” he asks
I
look round
“No
one, Sir”
“Then
neither do I condemn you”
This
was not to be death
But
new life
This
was not the end
But
a new beginning
“Go
now and leave your life of sin”
Leave
the old ways
Leave
the shame and guilt
Leave
the damage done to you
By
so many men
And
the damage done by you
to
so many wives
step
away
take
nothing with you
imagine
a new life without all this
God’s
good life
as
it’s meant to be lived
fall
in step with a God who will show you
what
love really is
“Go
now and leave your life of sin”
“Sir,
my life is dust and ashes
I
am dead
Show
me how to live again.”